The Muskrat Files is satire about a sleep-deprived rodent who has promised you the future and will be delivering it shortly.
The Muskrat Files · The Files
A rocket that is "binnenkort" going to Mars — soon, in the same sense that everything else on this dashboard is soon.
Company Flex
The Rocket exists to go to Mars. It has existed to go to Mars for as long as anyone can remember, and it will, according to him, continue existing to go to Mars right up until the moment it actually does, at which point he will immediately announce the next planet. Mars is the destination. Soon is the timeline. Soon has not moved in years, which he reads as consistency rather than a warning sign.
Every update on the Rocket is a Timeline Update: a new date, delivered with total conviction, filed directly under the promises board that recalculates itself the moment you stop looking at it. He does not consider this a delay. He calls it a strategic realignment of the timeline, says so out loud, and then posts a meme about it at an hour nobody asked him to be awake for.
The believers treat every Rocket update as the update, the one that finally sticks. The short sellers treat every Rocket update as further proof it's over. He treats both reactions as engagement, which is the only metric on this dashboard he has ever fully understood. The rocket itself, notably, keeps launching — upward, mostly, on schedule, approximately — whether or not Mars is actually any closer.
The catchphrase applies here as much as anywhere: this will change everything, also it might be delayed. Nobody has ever seen him say the first half without immediately following it with the second, at four hours of sleep, in the same breath, with the same wide eyes he uses for every other announcement on this file.
Filed, not fact
No market data here.
This dossier states no price, no holder count, no market cap and no contract address, because
none of that exists for an invented rodent's invented rocket company.
